Work for women, not for assholes

Roundhouse wipers having lunch in their rest room, Chicago & North Western Railroad, Clinton, Iowa, April 1943. Photo by Jack Delano.

You can’t swing past the internet these days without spying a new article about women suffering in the workplace. Women who work being traumatized by the lack of work-life balance, being stretched any direction but forward in leadership, and still being paid less for that work than men. Many smart women have replied thoughtfully to grappling with these things. What I don’t hear much about is the power women have to reform the workplace by choosing to work with and for women, and singing the praises of such.

“But some of my worst bosses have been women!” says someone, inevitably, during this discussion. Repeat after me: Working for women is great. Working for assholes is terrible.

If you’ve been in the workforce long enough, you’ve met some assholes. People who, as my mother would say, aren’t fit for human consumption. People who should be sent to a colony for jerks and narcissists so they can make each other miserable and leave us alone (Mars sounds nice this time of year). Maybe one of those assholes you met was a woman, and so, when someone in conversation says, “working with/for women is the worst!” you might think of that one lady who harmed you and find yourself nodding.

Stop doing that.

I’ve had a lot of jobs, working for several men and many more women, and I’ve met assholes and heroes of both genders. But certainly, my women coworkers and managers have done exponentially more to inspire and help me grow and succeed at work. And the real gems among them have been committed to making the workplace a more truly just and thriving place for other women.

Because when you work with and for a lot of women, you learn things.

I learned from women who juggled pregnancy and a newborn and the tedium/stress of breastfeeding (or not breastfeeding), all the while still kicking ass at their careers and admitting that they, as new moms, really loved coming to the office, most of the time.

I learned from the women who are transparent about not wanting to have kids and are thoughtful and candid with rude people who marveled at their choices.

I learned from women who know it’s ok to be vulnerable and show emotion at work, to admit when they’re wrong, to ask a lot of questions, all the while expecting that this authenticity isn’t a sign of weakness, but instead a sign of true leadership.

I’ve learned from women who’ve lived through workplace sexism, challenged it and changed it.  Women who won’t watch Mad Men because they lived through that in real time, thanks.

And yes, I’ve learned from men, too, about work ethic and cultivating talent and showing confidence. But the real ins and outs of how to do succeed at going to work while being a woman have been learned by watching other women.

Maybe all of this isn't enough to break into equality when it comes to pay, positions of leadership or work/life flexibility. But in my experience, it sure helps. Because I've seen other women doing it, from the junior to CEO levels, I think "I can do that, too."

I know that not everyone has the luxury to work for women. But I think that we do a great disservice to young women when we utter nonsense like “working for women is harder.” If that’s been the case for you, seek out women bosses or mentors who inspire you. Work hard for them and learn from them. And then, become that woman.

This post was very much inspired by watching Jackie Nelson give her TedX talk about optimism and play. She was a fabulous boss and is an inspiring person. Watch her around the 3 hr, 19 minute mark here.